Books by Jack Phillips Lowe

Happily Married with Kids

By Carol Ummel Lindquist, Ph.D.

$14.00/trade paperback

Berkley Publishing Group

With 25 years of experience in marriage counseling, a husband and two children of her own under her belt, Dr. Carol Ummel Lindquist is an expert when it comes to making a marriage work—with or without kids. Her recent book, Happily Married with Kids is a step-by-step guide to transforming the fantasy of a perfect marriage into a reality.

"The current high standards for parenting lead to low standards for marriage," says Lindquist. "The irony of these contrasting standards is that having a healthy marriage is a great gift for your children and yourself." Her goal is to educate parents, happily married or otherwise, on how to develop and maintain relationships that will benefit their entire family.

In Happily Married with Kids, Lindquist teaches moms and dads to avoid "the real parent trap" of exhaustion and disruption, manage conflicts and improve communication with spouse and children, stay best friends with their spouses, balance work and family, enjoy their kids—and each other—at any age, revive their sex life, find humor in everyday difficulties and make time for themselves and their marriages.

Each of the book's four sections sections is divided into chapters that deal honestly and warmly with different aspects of marriage and parenting, such as developing a marriage support system in "Support Networks: It Takes a Village to Shelter Your Marriage," getting to know your spouse again after the birth of your children in "Who Is This Person I Married?" handling separation due to work or other stressors in "When One Parent Travels" and disagreeing without hurting each other in "Fight Like the Windows Are Open."

Summaries and bulleted lists in every section and boldface subject headings in each chapter break up the text into digestible chunks. A sprinkling of comic strips and personal stories from Lindquist's family and her counseling experiences make the book conversational and add some humor to a subject that makes many couples tense; you'll want to keep it on the bedside table or enjoy it in the morning over coffee—and engaging enough that it will draw in even the most reluctant reader.

Where most self-help books suggest major behavioral overhauls, Lindquist recommends small changes and goal-setting with your partner to reduce tension and increase communication over time. In the first chapters Lindquist says that one of the most important things you can do for your marriage is to make sure you and your spouse have 20 minutes of uninterrupted talk time or cuddling every day as well as some "date time" every week.

She also suggests that couples set aside separate "staff time" to work on family issues weekly, monthly and quarterly without cutting into your special time together. Lindquist even includes worksheets to help you and your spouse get started on confronting conflict and making family decisions.

In addition to sharing her own wisdom and experiences in every chapter, Lindquist refers to books she has read on marriage and parenting. After the last chapter, she includes a comprehensive list of books, articles, videos and websites she recommends, including the ones she mentioned in the text.

Lindquist's tone is light and entertaining which gives it a down-to-earth approach to marriage; Happily Married with Kids is a book that's never preachy and consistently encourages couples to try new things and seek other resources. A happy marriage doesn't have to be just a fairy tale anymore. Lindquist proves it's possible to make the transition from partnership to parenthood without losing the intimacy you and your spouse share—and shows couples how to regain closeness and repair relationship damage at any level.

Sidebar

In Happily Married with Kids, Dr. Carol Ummel Lindquist highly recommends these books:

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families: Building a Beautiful Family Culture in a Turbulent World by Stephen Covey and Sandra Merrill Covey

Seven Principles to Make Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert by John Mordechai Gottman and Nan Silver

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman

Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix

The Divorce Remedy: The Proven 7-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage by Michele Weiner Davis